pleasure tinted guilt. why does it feel so good again . . . oh cos its bad.

What a wicked game to play
What a wicked cruel thing to do
To make me dream of you .
Some of us want to fall in love
if there's such a thing as love
for the time being
I said, 'Maybe , Baby , Please.'
Its so wrong
Him and her
Me and you
What a wicked game you play
To make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do
To make me think of you.
But i don't want to fall in love with you.
If there's such a thing called love.
Desire will make smart people do . . .

good girls go bad . . .

sooner or later the dark side comes a calling
whispering ....
tempting . . .
just one bite . . .
...just one bite couldn't be so wrong
The shiny red apple gazing at you
So shiny and smooth you can taste it
You want to taste . . .
You have to taste . . .
A glorious bite and its not enough
Give me my sin again. . .


Boy , you're that guy id be stupid to trust
If i believed in love i wouldn't come near you
Give me one and ill tell you Ive seen 'em all
I heard that you were trouble
but i couldn't resist...
Just one night couldn't be so wrong .. .


Why do girls get sad
When do girls get glad
And how do they get very , very bad,
Some are sad , some are glad and some are very , very bad.
Why are they sad , glad or bad?
I do not know , go ask your dad!

You don't know me

I hate it when people imply that they know you
Its insulting is what it is
It takes a hell of A LOT to know someone
It takes years not months or days
It takes tears until you peer into the very existence
Of someone
It takes fights and finding someone in tights
It takes the good the bad and the ugly
It takes tons and tons of experience
I have best friends and even they are learning
So if a guy says it to you ...it's like
Yuck! WTF!!!
Don't make me hate you ... i already do
Back off ...
You don't know me and believe it or not
Will never know every tiny detail of my life.

Just because im hurting does it mean im hurt? Coldplay Lost.

Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I would cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get
What I deserved
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I tried to cross
Every door I ever tried was locked
Oh and I'm...
Just waiting 'til the shine wears off

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
Cause along may come
A bigger one

And you'll be lost
Every river that you tried to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Oh and I'm...
Just waiting until the firing stopped
Oh and I'm...
Just waiting 'til the shine wears off


Oh and I...
Just waiting 'til the shine wears off
Oh and I..
Just waiting 'til the shine wears off

Of course she's emotional she takes such pains to deny emotion and sentiment.

Damaged people are dangerous
They can survive anything
Extreme emotional torture is like
Green eggs and ham
Which i do not like Sam - i am.
You already lost your trust and faith in anyone
But yourself ... of course.
You cannot be vulnerable , but you are
Just for being so cautious
Its also a paradox that describes women
You are so used to the pain
You are nothing without it
A vital component is missing ...
Give me my pain again and again
So you slowly become a masochist
You cut yourself
You punish yourself
You want it bad - the pain
After all its all you know
Everything else is unfamiliar and strange
You know nothing of happiness , reformation and joy
How could you when you are afraid
So you prefer what you know than what you don't
Masochist . . .
All the beauty in the world couldn't save you
All the money that you have can't pay you
Nothing works but pain . .
When i think about it i always want to cry
But when i do i punish myself for it
Weakness
The cliche says someone will fix you
But i say .. really?
Sentimentality is poison.

Poker .

Let there be no mistakes
Quick and calculating like a hawk on its prey
But one is only the hunted and the other is a hawk ..
Spades , clubs , diamonds or HEARTS gentlemen.
The winner takes all.
Raise the stakes shall we then ?
Gambling is an addictive habit
If you put all you lose all

Stay away from me . by the Honorary Title.

"Stay Away"

Are you not the slightest bit confused?
Just the truth
The speed at which we move blends so well
It's too soon

Separate yourself from what compels you to relinquish us
Push your way on to me, entirely
Stay away from me, stay away from me now
Less you gonna see, less you gonna see me out

No, I can't dance less it's slow or sad
To a song that's far less obvious
You using me, do it slowly
Make it last until I have to go

Trust me when I say just a few more weeks
Don't move
Resist temptation
Or do you see fit, just choose

Separate yourself from what compels you to relinquish us
Push your way on to me, entirely
Stay away from me, stay away from me now
Less you gonna see, less you gonna see me out

No, I can't dance less it's slow or sad
To a song that's far less obvious
You using me, do it slowly
Make it last until I have to go

No, I can't dance less it's slow or sad
To a song that's far less obvious
You using me, do it slowly
Make it last until I have to go

No, I can't dance less it's slow or sad
To a song that's far less obvious
You using me, do it slowly
Make it last until I have to go

Stay away from, stay away from, stay away from me

Stay away from, stay away from, stay away from me

Stay away from, stay away from, stay away from me

Test the waters and leave them on the empty shore ...

Don't cry because its over . Smile because it happened.
No perphap-es , No maybe - es , No lies , No goodbyes
I want my independence , i want my world just as it was before you
When i give into you , don't think that you're the sun
And that the whole world revolves around you ... the center of attention
IT's not always true ..
you are the person i know .. but tomorrow you'll be the one i knew
Now that its done .. that's it
For now , forever , for never
No goodbye-es , No sorry , No nothing
I wanted to test the waters and leave them on the empty shores...
Sometimes its best not to think or ask questions
Because you would be foolish not to see the subtle simple answer
And the truth is , is that there is nothing to say . .

Can you love in the day time ... i ask? Before my period starts again so i can still get back before i get pissy and you get 'hurt' .

Two very non conventional people , we are
Your not an average Joe , and i sure ain't Plain Jane
But that's what makes it so tragic and wonderful
We are such an oxymoron ....
I should be with someone who understands me
I'm very simple yet very complicated
Very damaged yet very together
Innocent yet violated
An oxymoron
You ... i don't even know what you are
I don't know you and never will
Isn't that how things are done now
Its not your fault im not looking for someone to blame
It's not christian
Plus i called you first , that alone is seen as a desperate attempt
Don't text first , don't reply after 10 minutes ,
Noted.
But i thought you were different.
Suckers Marxism.
Lets talk about 'friends and benefits'
Explain how its good for both parties , because
You both can't be tied down ,
You both have other things to do
Or you can both be in relationships,
No one can admit that its crap,
For the guy its sex minus the effort
He's a man right ...
Such a subtle statement used to dominate uterus carriers everywhere
And she doesn't admit its crap , because
I don't know on paper it seems pretty silly
Question , don't the girls see the PROS & the CONS
Answer , they do but we are raised different , treated different
Who's supposed to be in the kitchen
Who's supposed to be passive and agreeable
What's it like to be so free from social pressure?
Yes we do see the CONS and but isn't it expected,
That we are inferior and should demand nothing in return
We're just women right ...
Such a complex statement with so much power.
Who is a woman?
What does she do?
Why does she act like that?
If your reserved ... you have a problem
If your open minded .. you are aggressive
If your slutty .... you are cheap
If your big breasted .. you want smaller breasts that defy gravity
If your small breasted ...you want bigger breasts that defy vision
There's nothing like the perfect breasts , so deal with it
If your dark , try to be lighter
If your lighter , try to be lighter some more
What happened to us ? ?
What happened to MEN & women?
When did we start fighting
When did all this enmity begin...
When did the roles get mixed up ,
When did Playboy decide to torture us with the perfect body type
When did dolls like Barbie teach little girls that they had to have big boobs and a thin body,
When did the standards of beauty get so high?
Can we get back to being allies , comrades and buddies?
Can we help each other out , or can we constantly compete
And they say they love women , i hear that a lot
Isn't it any wonder I'm not capable of loving
They say they love you ...
So if he cheats ... he still loves you
In this day and age when women have equal rights
Political , Economical and Social
Its not true they expect us to comply to their demands
Now be slutty or hard to get or i don't know ...whatever
The playing field isn't evened out
Play dirty . . .
A ride on the disco-stick
They love women... DID YOU HEAR THAT MEN LOVE WOMEN ..
Uber Ego , they have it we massage it
I am no exception
And DID YOU HEAR THAT WOMEN HATE MEN . .
I'm dizzy
Please stop misusing the word LOVE
You use it so casually , blasphemy
But if they can't even respect God , do you really think they care about respecting women
They answer to no one , great and mighty titans
Why do they love women?
They smell nice , they are so soft , pretty
It's like admiring a good smelling skunk and caging it
So romantic . .
Based on this seemingly hollow reasoning alone it seems that
If we weren't soft or smelled nice or whatever
We'd be given more respect and loved
LOVE .
Love between a Man and a Woman
I'm glad no man's ever told me they love me , except my nephew and Shakespeare
And i believe them both:
Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds ...
They don't know what it means , what it feels or what it needS,
Why so jaded , little girl?
May be i know first hand what happens when you get attached to a man
My worst fear is turning into my mother ,paralyzed by the past
And you echoed this to me , my worst fear
My largest insecurity , because im a woman ill get attached
You don't know me , and you will never know every tiny / large detail of my life
I fell in love with the boy next door, yes i loved him
I could have done anything , said anything for him ,
And he never noticed me ... it must be the sweet charm ...

And you... Not so Average Joe
I liked you ...
Back to pros and cons
So here i am saying that i am a emotional cripple
Will you lend me a hand?
Friends with benefits , life's too short right?
So what do you want from me , a physical thing right
Agreed , why not? Everyone is pressuring me to do it
Everyone chanting 21 , 21 .
Telling me I'm weird ,Dating is fun?
OK , PEERS AND FRIENDS ...
Ill be agreeable it's expected right
I don't deserved to be appreciated ,i deserve a physical thing,
Ditto , this is fun ...
Lets have sex , and later you can have some more with
Maureen , Alice , Doreen (random names of course)
They aren't good for anybody or they're jinxed right?
Maureen , Alice , Doreen are people too ..
But im just like them too , desperate for attention
So give in to peer pressure and expectation
Let me make a mistake , i live too safe
Every one chanting 21 , 21 , 21
OK, BOY , PEERS & FRIENDS
Enjoy the show ...
The emotional cripple and the Center-of-Attention Man-boy
Back to sociology:
Are intelligent women happier in marriage than non intelligent women?
If yes , why?
Assuming that the intelligent women are attractive , smell nice and , soft all that jazz
Are they happier?
Yes , and i strongly believe that , like i believe in myself
Intelligent women will Pro and Con and not settle for less
They end up marrying men with high social approval aka high self -esteem
These men are usually attractive?
Answer : YES.They are attractive.
Because pleasantly looking people are treated better in society
They meet the standard , like
Hi! There you actually followed the rules here's a star
The unattractive lot is treated with hostility and they get the corner
So they accept strong confident women and are not intimidated
Again assuming that they are soft , smell nice
Here's the punchline: Attractive men are jerks TOO
Where was i?
The emotional cripple and the Man-boy
Based on the conclusions above , assume that Man-boy is attractive
He does too, but he's really not all that
Sure he's tall , broad shouldered
Get this : i know 5 GUYS hotter than man boy and oblivious OK 4
No#1 So fine , perfect height , perfect weight , perfect hair#(he really is perfect)
Problem: Devoid of personality.
Reason for spite: First break up speech ..your a nice girl (burgh)
No #2:Perfect picture of modern masculinity , Strong , sexy eyes ,can fix things
Problem: Likes to hit my cousin.
Reason for spite : No reason , he's actually not supposed to be here , he's my cousins husband but im trying to explain a point.
No#3: Dark , hot ,tall, nice smile, nice weight , height overall hottie
Problem: He likes me.
Reason for spite: None , when a guy likes me i run.I don't discriminate i run for the hills.
No#4:Dark , not so tall (flaw), looks like he takes showers he smells so nice (hey it applies)Intelligent (plus plus, plus)
Problem: Likes my friend instead.
Reason for spite: None, he's a hawtie.
OK back to Man boy , who thinks he's the new Johnny Depp
Im going to be mean , its fun
In the next ten years Man-boy is going to be fat unless he works out
-Not likely and he's going to get round - not pleasant at all
He's got beady eyes , and give him 10 years he'll be fat and
Wondering how beauty faded so quickly , all the Mac Hotties in my list will age really well esp #3 (prospects) #4 , #2 and #1 (he'll also be fat)
This is my unbiased opinion by the way ...
Me & Man boy , physical thing , peers blah blah blah
Me I'm still a maid so what???
I use maiden - head cause Ive read a lot of Victorian books
So there i am , trying to fit in , trying to conform
The whole ritual , Make -up , perfume and dress( i don't do this often)
I even have dreams where am a woman with a big penis
Obviously that's when i decided to tone the feminist down and be feminine
Try hard to fit in , maybe that's the problem don't try hard with people
People are bad , don't please them displease them
So i get dressed up , I'm even carrying a clutch bag !!!
Even with all that ,I cant compete with the femme fa tale fashionistas there
With all the bare skin and what not,
I'm not putting myself on a pedestal (maybe a little)
I'm not saying i won't wear the occasional mini skirt or short dress
I guess i kinda like myself and do stuff for me ,
Rape rings in my head , and how id like to avoid it
Apparently when your scantily dressed you ask for it .
High heels make me feel as if my ankles are bleeding
So what if i look sweet in a dress , or I'm nice or blah blah
But girls like me don't come along very often
22 Inch waist , long legs , cold hands and a warm heart
All along i thought was the use of having all that when no one cares ?
Subtext : be a experienced virgin
I would NEVER get attached to you , and that's the complete and utter truth
You're really vain ,
You said you liked the truth , i hope i enlightened you with a little of mine
Do you know my worst fear? Getting attached
It's my worst fear , and you echoed it to me
I just wanted to do something crazy and move on
But you know me , i'm the sweet girl unlike your type
Bitches you called them if i remember correctly ...
But there's honor amongst thieves you said no
May be your not full of shit but its not my problem.
Man -boy for old times sake:
I have no claim on you Man- boy .
Don't wear your freedom down .
No regrets , no strings.
I'm not bitter (can't you tell)
One last thought:
Can you love in the daytime
Can you express your desires freely in the harsh light of day
As you express your desires freely in the night.

Emotional Mediocre.

Some people suffer from emotional repression
According to Freud we hide intense / hurtful memories by repressing them
Stuff happens to you and you get emotional diarrhoea
I think any form of physical contact with people is weird
Don't get me wrong im a hugger
I like hugging my nephew , my grandma , grand pa
But other people its like ... what the hell
Humping with your clothes on
Or holding hands .... whats that about?
Some things are awkward ... but ill hold hands with my nephew
Boys don't get that you can live with/ without them
Seriously???
And its not about independence or proving sth
Its about boys being crap
So we can live without crap
Me? I have a chronic fear of relationships and a deep hatred for men
Its not a joke i thought it was but i cant
On the other hand i go after men who are unavailable
There has to be a chance its not gonna work
Or i like guys who dont like me back
Im a masochist and it isnt healthy .
The guys who like me ... i run away
Literally and metaphorically
I need help cos sometimes the loneliness gets too loud
I dont know how im going to be able to feel
anything.

Your a Wet -Dream away from the real thing

Wouldn't be caught dead here ,
Isn't there where you want her ,
paying in naivety
Is everything going according to plan
Not wanting this evening banquet to end
Every one looks , well .. it's a party
She goes to the ladies room , to talk to the mirror to
To tell herself, 'I'm a Diva!!!'
And they mutter when did she get so confident..
She never looked more innocent..
But were all of consenting age
Oh , what a shame

All the boys they say under their breaths,
Sizing up the girls ,
I bet to them her name is cheap ,i bet she kinda looks like sh*t , she looks easy
Losers.
It just wouldn't be a party they haven't been sized up,
would it now?
It just doesn't seem like a night out if she's not distracted
Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off,
Loving every minute of the promise of the mild disaster of the evening


Next ,begin a whispering campaign
Lips not only mumble they kiss like fountains
Giggle with the fashionistas , ignore him
You cant stand it ,
Lock eyes with the devil in me , im bad for you
Ive never been more auspicious
Ill be distracted if you spike the punch

Where is it that we last left off-
No?! Should i close the door?
My lips just happen to be laced with nitro - glycerin
And i will poison you . . .
Is everything going according to plan
I didn't get this dressed up for the tables , honey

Don't get selfish , i may like it but i enjoy it
Unfinished infatuation is like a fever
A fever you cant sweat out
Isn't this where you like me ,
paying in naivety
and paying for love is where i like me.
And if i know what you know and i know that
ive never been so distracted.

Me and you make my least favourite oxymoron

Man-at-Charms I call you
With your moderate wit and moderate looks
Your love 'harambee love'
So generous you give to all us ladies and lass' and broads alike
The center of attention.
You are broad and act many roles:
The friend , the lover , the kind stranger
So many faces
You cant be trusted
Mr. Nice/ Bad guy.
But you are very very bad, aren't you?

Dead-inside I call myself
With my easy demeanor and complicated sadness
I was dared to love
I was foolish on many degrees
First : I listened to my peers.
Second: I fraternized with the enemy.
Third:I was foolish.

All in all the man-at -charms and the tortured artist become my least favorite oxymoron.

Goodbye to first loves and past hurts

You left Father ,
Uncool.
And you geek next door,
Stole my heart.
Uncoolest.
Whether or not i will always love you
Is a statement deeply irrelevant
Kindly do not attempt to cloud the issue with facts
One fact , and one fact alone is crystal clear
You both suck
Goodbye for shame it could not be so-
For i cannot hate you lest i tried
I could fail miserably at the task
I am not equipped with the hypocrisy of pie crust promises
But you are not pardoned , your indifference a powerful tool
A love one sided
I bid ye goodbye
Tis true you can love again

Women we are easily deceived

When i look at a man - i fear
I also have a mild irritation and respect
For i know first hand what they are capable
Wild animals , running and attacking at things
Dudus , flying from flower to flower
Do they know the side effects of sex:
RASHES...
SORES....
INSANITY...
AND DEATH!!!!
Leaving you with child
Leaving you hollow with lieS
Go near them - shall i dare?
Oh with my apparent sweet nature and blah blah blah
Tis like walking into a trap open - eyed
How can they be trusted with any valued thing?
I am much a feared , much filled with doubt
I think them witty thieves
Warming their way to your good graces
Whilst stealing your preservation and good doubt and sense
Leaving you hollow

She's totally afraid to love ...

She says no to every date
She's totally afraid to love
The one boy she does love
Thinks she's a child :(
No one else she's felt for
He disarmed her
Disarmed completely
Yet what she thought was love wasnt
Recap the childhood days , teenage rage and the 21 daze
She couldn't care less either

The loudness of the quiet

What shall I do when the loneliness gets too loud?
When the feeling of being blue won't go away
Shall I proceed to cover my ears as I have always done
The deafening silence
The oxymoron that tortures me..
What shall I do when my heart rate goes so slow?
When in its stead it would go higher and higher
When love is as silent as a Sunday night
I'll call it human weakness and move on
How shall I escape my fears while I breathe
Take a risk - how can I ? I'm a pro/con girl
Everyday  I curse my tongue for proclaiming
Folly , it was amusing to him , I am amusing to him
I have little hands , little feet and an otherwise little heart
And as such their defense is top priority
But even in my bold attempts I failed
Isn't this what I wanted?
To live a life free of men , a life of solitude , free of lies
I only fooled myself.
Misery loves company.

Blah ... Blah... Blah...

Ahem! He cleared his throat to get my attention
Though I heard him I did not stir
Eye contact. Blast ! He's got me
The moment he opened his mouth
He lost me , suddenly a strange noise engulfed me
I think it was blah blah blah

Please do excuse me , I do not mean to be uncivil
Ive heard you before , it is not like I cannot recall
A million speeches similar to this one
Perhaps I can't hear anymore
Very hard to carry conversations with intelligent people


Oh , so its my fault now
Typical male comeback , saying am 'emotional'
Shall I give you time to come up with a better retort
I'm not the compulsive liar you are-
What did you say?
Sounds like: blah blah blah

Wham! Bang! Clang! Bing! Bang! Boom!
There must be a problem with this connection
What's all that white noise in the background
I really , cannot hear a thing
What can any woman say to
Blah Blah Blah.

The other woman

Forbid me now , that which first made me your slave
And I would find no fault in you, for I helped dig the grave
Should I in thought control your 'social interactions'
Or answer for the knife deep in mychest
Being at your mercy I am only a slave
Let me suffer after all I am a masochist
So when you leave for the door , kiss me goodbye
I feign a smile ,
Your very own Stepford wife.
Yes dear, have a lovely day
Be careful , if you keep treating me like a house-dog
I might bite back..
Tame my impatience for it is running thin
Have other women at your disposal , I'm not a team player
Do what you will , to them you belong
Pardon me dear , it's over
Goodnight and good luck.

Relationship Arithmetic

He kissed her once,
She was smitten
That was addition.

He didn't call or text,
She started to sulk
That was subtraction.

He had others,
She fooled by conformity /boyish charm
That was a fraction.

He started talking with come ons and probabilities,
She listened
That was probability leaning on a complicated equation.

She solved it all:
ME-HIM=ZERO.
Subtraction = move on.
Addition=Self- respect.
Probability= There's plenty more equations in the sea.

Of women (and / or) of love

What a sad observation of women and of love
So much prejudice mingled with deceit
To find a woman with indefinite attachment and yet
the man can spare none for her
While some women aspire to find partners based
on degree of looks , suitability or wealth
They say love is a battlefield...
Then arm yourself - steady on your feet
Woman you will be subjected to the lying tongue of a man
Or the violent strike and the late night argument
Long ago when love was a duty , it was done dutifully
Am sure it was duly appreciated
Sir Lancelot of Camelot and his Damsel-in-Distress
Since then we have sought to destroy everything
Warnings of Global Warming , the white rhino
Will you destroy love also...
Love claimed greater than death
Biblically recognized as the greatest gift of all
Oh, when men would go to war for love
The thousand ships on the beach of troy and the young lovers defying all
Kings , governments , soldiers and peace - all for love
Oh , when writers would write about love like Shakespeare did:
Love alters not when it alteration finds...
When King would defy Lord and Religion for his mistress Boleyn
The age of duels , cloaks laid for chivalry
Alas! What an age
Where women and love are not valued.

Unrequited is quite right

Feelings are such terrible things to own
They tease you and tarry you along
As if you turned into a foolish person
Yes, that is what it is
Foolishness
If I were a heartless dame
I would be content
For I cannot let go of the one i fancy
Pity he does not fancy me
I'd often hoped that he did
But love does not tire one and leave the other
In indifference
So if I writ this and say he does
Twill be a falsehood
He is aware of my feelings and affections
Tis not altered his own
For his affections i have yet to behold
Or perhaps never,
Alas! A fair lady such as me
Cannot win the fancy of a lad
Perhaps I speak more than I ought
This displeases him
Or that I had long flowing hair and breasts up to my chin
These would please him
This is all Shakespeare's fault
He said 'Trip no further; pretty sweeting , Journeys end with lover's meeting'
Needless to say, unrequited love was never William Shakespeare's fort.